Show me what it means, as i gazed upon the cross
By the powers you had to rescue yourself from carrying the heavy cross
Yet you did not!!
Right now, i have the ability to let go of my cross too!
But because you hanged on till death, so will I

Reveal to me what kept you on the cross all the way

Because the road is like walkin bare footed on stony ground

O so painful!!

Was it your love for me that kept you going?

Or your only desire to hear Your father say to you

"Well done my good and faithful Child"

O that you valued his approval so much that nothing else mattered

I'm finding it so hard to love you, still I will

You took everything away that i'm left empty

But i have one thing that will never be taken

O eternal security that is.

My life is in a mess, but how can i hear you say

despite all these "well done my good and faithful child!"

Consume me with your love

The love that is stronger then gravity

The love that is able to bound 3 to 1

the Father, Son and Holy Spirit

Now 4 to 1, Me, the Father, Son and Holy Spirit

I remembered my voice as a little child

The hymn i used to sing

"He is my everything, he is my all

He is my everything both great and small

He gave his life for me, made everything new

He is my everything, now how about you"

I want to be able to sing that agian

Just like how i used to in sunday school.

Wednesday, July 26, 2006

-7:55 AM

Our words put to the test

The story of the fall of man, no surprise to many. When it was recorded in the bible about the beauty and perfection in the creation of man. The first man to ever exsist, Adam, and woman eve. The fall came when adam ate the apple when God told him he could eat from any tree except the tree of the knowledge of good and evil.

A common question i often hear is "why did God still put the tree there despite knowing adam is going to eat it, since God can see the future?" Well its true God did foreknew the fall of man. The answer is found in this story:

A father told his son "I'm going to lock u up in this room for 3 days. close all the windows, seal every gap in this room. if you come out of it, you don't love me. If you stay in the room after 3 days, i know your love for me is real." The first day started to get the boy impatient. He tried anything he could to knock down the door, tried to break the window grills... did all he could. 3 days later the father found the boy still inside, and exclaimed "Boy you still do love me!! now i know your love for me is real"

Is it for real? The tree was there, it hurt God's heart to have put it there. But if love wasn't put to the test, can we truly say its for real. God in all his creation created all things without a choice. Man has this powerful seed called choice. Because if love is forced or without a choice, would there be any meaning to love? God wants man to choose to love him. And for a choice, there always has to be two options. For this case to obey and disobey.

I

In my earlier entry on self deception, i was rather dissapointed when i had to come to terms with who i really am. Claiming I really loved God, passionate for his church and his people, when all that mattered to me was the image that i gave to others. This can only be truly shown when testings and temptations come. A ministry, a dream, even a GODLY dream can be an idol, more impt to us then God. It is when God takes it away then we began to realize we don't love God as much as we think we do. God takes us by every commitment we make at the altar, every promise, purify our hearts and take us from strength to strength.

We love BECAUSE HE FIRST LOVED US.

Make it a prayer: Lord show me truly what's in my heart. and prepare for the ride!!

Let's cry like moses did:

Show me your face O Lord

Make my heart pure as Gold

Standing in awe of you

Your love it surrounds me forever!!!

Sunday, July 23, 2006

-8:00 AM

Splashing and more splashing. This weekend felt like a getaway with JL. With our busy lives, in our own world, with our own cliques formed over the months and years, since we were really close. Finally caught up so much with one another, the long silence btwn seems as if it never exsisted, we talked as if the memories we had were only yesterday.

We met on Friday evening in town. Did some shopping, had dinner at wisma ate the prawn noodles, where we caught up with our each other and shared what has been going on. She's really a friend that i could connect with, shared some of my joys, desires and struggles. It was sure an emotionally uplifting after being able to talk to you. =) We did more shopping through the night, she bought..... well i forgotten!! But i got a jacket that i thought looked nice. J ended up wanting to use it first. haha.. o well we both felt it was nice. She was just WAITING for me to get it. We dragged our painful feets down to plaza sing, to get her shades and my choc. We ended up laughing all through our shopping at the supermarket as we realized we shared alot in common in our mis chief. ~Winkz~

We ended the night at a nice pub, at alley bar, where we simply chilled out and talked about guys, life and love. It was a beautiful place. All things come to an end so did the night, we ended cabbing back.

Finally went back to church on sunday after 2 weeks of absence. YOU OVERSLEPT JAS!! Well no surprises, just stating it. After serv, we went over to parkway, bought weights and did some shopping and later ate chocolate fondue at anderson's ice cream. The chocolate was marvellous!! Ended cabbing back again, thanks to her whining. haha.. winkz~ Its sad the weekends have to end. I sure do cherish every memories with you. =) Appreciate the friendship lots.

Thursday, July 20, 2006

-6:57 AM

THE BURNING BUSH

Its the kind of season, where everything just feels so dry. A kind of passion that seems to have stopped burning. Suddenly it felt as if serving was pointless. A season of my life where i did not want to serve the Lord. I'm running!!

The story of Moses shed a new light in me. That the colder one is towards then Lord, and when one has lost notion of himself, he stands a greater chance of an encounter with the burning bush. The Lord loves us and knows US by name. Moses was running too, after punching an egyption for bullying his own race, and was accused for murdering him by his own people. Moses fled, and for many years he lived a quiet life. From a somebody in the palace, reduced to tending the sheeps in a little pasture, unknown and perhaps forgotten. For many years it stayed that way.

One often speaks about knowing the call of God for our lives early. However, for some characters in the bible, they never knew about their destiny, only at the point of encounter. Moses never knew he was destined to lead millions out of the bondage in egypt. Paul never knew God would use him to preach the gospel until the very moment itself. We may ask if God has a destiny for all, then what is mine? Its our God predestined purpose that we find meaning in. What's next after study? further study? then after that? Work? and is that all to life? well, seems like. Just as we're about to get comfortable and settle in our little lives, there comes the "burning bush".

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

-7:07 AM

Tioman

Close to nature, a getaway from the world we sometimes feel like running on a tredmill, endless and aimless. Suddenly it felt like all has came to a stand still. Enjoying nature, the sun, the sand, the sea and most of all one another. A time to reflect and see the beauty of nature. Tioman gave me the feeling of a rugged village life, a life never felt in singapore.

One thing that amazed me was the clarity of the water. I was so clear that we could see what was beneath.

Snookerling is an activity not to be missed at tioman! With the clear sea and the beautiful corals and fishes, it was quite a magnificent sight! This is the boat to bring us to a spot to snoorkel.

Me in my snoorkeling gear. Do i look like a monster?

All happy faces at Sea!!

Since the water were so clear, we knew that we could fish, and EASILY catch, because we knew where they were.

no, no we don't mean small fishes. We spoke about catching BIG fishes and give to the chef to cook for us. Guess what? Did we acheived our aims?

Hold on a second! With little or no experience in fishing, forget about the big fishes when we don't know how to even set the rod. Me as usual, standing there using my eye power. Acting as if i'm thinking and flowing along. ;)

Guess it was pointless fishing. For hours, and we cught only 2 small fishes. That's me watching the fishes feed on the bread. At least we got ourselves tanned under the sun.

SOAK UP THE SUN!

ALL SMILES!!

There's a jungle in tioman too! and we're going for jungle trekking

Clmbing up slope, persevering under the heat.

Ended the night with a little beer and pool. Taking aim. brainstorming on the best move.


Watching with such great intensity. M on his nxt move.

Saturday, July 15, 2006

-8:40 PM

" the heart is deceitful above all things, and beyond cure, who can understand it?"
Jeremiah 17:9

Self deception can be the worst form of deception that one has to face. However sometimes coming to terms with who we really are on the inside can be so painful, that some would rather continue living in deception. That's what it means to live in the light and darkness. One often refers to living in the light as:

One often refers to living in the light as:

1. Hope
2. Direction
3. Love
4. joy
5. Emotional rest

They are not wrong, the light of life refers to the above, and maybe more... However we must not forget that light also represent: revealing what can't be seen in the dark. All of these things comes in a package, that one cannot find hope, direction, emotional rest... without first being able to come to terms with who we really are.

Ever touched charcoal with your bare hands and accidentally rub your hands on your face? I was made fun many times, for having done that. But i realize that when i went into the dark area where there was no light, another grp of people don't seem to realize that there was charcoal on my face. And i can continue being in the dark room, living in deception that my face is clean.

"I am the light of the world, he who comes to me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life"
John 8:12

Jesus did not mention i know the light. He says, He IS the light. There's a price to pay in drawing closer to God, and that is facing the truth about ourselves. One may feel more sinful, or began to see things from our past that we have allowed to affect us without noticing it, when drawing closer to God.

In reality, we can lie to ourselves. In charcter, thinking we are humble, when we simply don't realize how arrogant we are. Thinking we care for others, when all that is on our minds is ourselves. Thinking we love God so much when in reality, we don't. Even thinking we truly love our partner when it is merely just to fill a void in our lives, mere infatuation, or just plainly in love with the feeling of being love. WE NEED TO KNOW OURSELVES.

Heard of the Johari window?

Notice the 4 boxes, out of 4, only three boxes are safe. Arena, facade and blind spot. For blind spot at least people can teach us and correct us. However as life progresses on, the "Unknown" area about oursleves needs to get smaller and smaller. It would be dangerous then to enter into marraige with that "unknown" area about ourselves BIG.

What is darkness to you? Well to me it means one word: "depression" Does the word seems to connect? It could be loneliness, rejections, hurts, low esteem, sense of failure, condemnation. Jesus it the answer to that, because light expels the darkness completely away.

The Isrealites never entered into the promise land, as the bible would describe it as rest.. From the story we could see one thing "they had an unbelieving heart". However the Isrealites themselves never came to terms with that. That made them wondered in the wilderness for many yrs, never found the joy and rest that was promised to them.

Jesus is the answer to our valleys
Dark it maybe, painful it would be
Face the truth about our hearts
And let His love overtake you.

"there's no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus" Romans 8:1