lifesong
Everyone needs compassion
And love that never fails
Let mercy fall on me
When everyone needs forgiveness
Kindness of the Saviour
The Hope of the nation
Saviour, He can move the mountains
My God is mighty to save
He is mighty to save
Forever author of salvation
He rose and conquered the grave
Jesus conquered the grave
So take me as you find me
All my fears and failures
Fill my life again
I give my life to follow
Everything that i believe in
Now i surrender
Shine a light in and
let the whole world see
Singing, for the glory of the risen king
Jesus, Shine a light and
let the whole world see
Singing for the glory of the risen king
Tuesday, September 26, 2006
-4:56 AM
The Unforgettable Drama
Drama has always been one of my passion. That's that!! I love to act. I guess alot of it comes from life itself. Life on earth is like a stage, we put up fronts, wear a mask infront of others, it becomes all part of a skill.
I was given the honor to act as Jesus himself during easter service in April 2006. It was an act i would never forget. The repeated rehearsals day after day, the moment i had to saw and make my own cross.... having to drag the cross up stage and downstage... the memories, cries and screams i had to made, seem like it was all just yesterday.
Actors who have to cry on the scene during their acts, are locked up in a room, to think of something sad that has happened to them, once they find themselves crying, they will then be ready to act the secne. Thats it!! The difficulty of showing the emotions of Jesus on the cross, dispite the fact that i never fully understood what it really meant personally to me myself.
This scene was at the garden of gethsamene, Jesus was in deep anguish with his Father here. The lines were many for me to memorize, but i felt so inadequete here. It was here that deep inside i felt so far from the Lord, that his character and mine were so different... i had to carry the image of Jesus. I WANT TO!!
I'm about to be nailed and i had to scream.
The easter production team from the drama, to the backstage and all who helped in every possible way to make this event a success.
I remembered the silence in the sanctuary when the lights went off. The emotions were heavy. But that was it. A friend of mine who was herself ministered by the act once told me during my really down moments "all that you did that day, Jesus was doing the same for you" FOR ME!! Yes... and i wish i caught what it all meant. The cross!
Amazing grace, how sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me
I once was lost, but now i'm found
Was blind but now i see.
Wednesday, September 20, 2006
-4:48 AM
ELEPHANTS ARE CHAINED UP!! Our past can chain us too!!
"In his book Teaching the Elephant to Dance, James Belasco described how trainers shackle young elephants with heavy chains to deeply embedded stakes. In that way the elephant learns to stay in its place. Older, more powerful elephants that have been trained in this way never try to leave-even though the have the strength to pull the stake and walk away. Their conditioning limits their movements. Eventually, with only a small, unattached metal bracelet on their legs, they stand in place-even though the stakes are actually gone!" -John C Maxwell
Our past experiences have actually conditioned us in such hugh ways that we are so unaware of. Causing us to make decisions base on our past hurts, allowing it to dictate our lives, causing it to drive our lives, and thus not wanting to take risks, hindering us from doing things in this life that we so want to, seeing people with suspicion..... etc. We are thus unable to enjoy the fullest potential within us and enjoy what God has made this life for.
Personally, my past has caused me to be a person who is low in self confidence. Mistakes were a no no at my home, everything needed to be perfect. Praise and affirmation were scarce which has caused me to be a perfectionist towards myself and others... I strive to be affirmed by man and wanted to prove to be someone. I often felt the lack of attention from home, coming from an empty home, where my parents were seldom around, it caused a search for love, an emptiness... The bullies i had during my school days made it any worse.
I build walls, to defend my fragile heart. The strong image, the way i became so protective, has caused me to treat people differently. Yes my past has affected me big time. But i learnt now that i never have to.
Only a string used to tie down the strong elephant. Potentially the elephant could break free.
Elephants when grown up are too strong for any chains to tie them down. Yet mentally these hugh animals are still bound by it. Similarly experience from our past may make us stronger, that does not mean we are not mentally still being confine by our past. You cannot be free from your past until you know you are no longer sub consciously affected by it.
The elephants are not chained, only a ring tied ard their legs, they could easily escape, yet mentally they though they cldn't.
I do believe that "we are products of our expereinces" However does that mean good people is a result of a good past experience? And negative people have a negative past experience? Well maybe. But more rightfully put "WE ARE PRODUCTS OF HOW WE RESPOND TO OUR EXPERIENCE" Difference? When we say we are product of our experience, we are taking the passive role and allow all that has happened to shape us, our thinking, our values... When we say we are products of how we respond to our experience, we take the more active role to allow the situation to either make us stronger or weaker, bitter or better... In this way we are no longer at the mercy of our circumstances, but how we want to benefit from them irregardless of good or bad.
We may not be able to control the circumstances around us, and the family background and friends we have, but we can be responsible for our reaction towards them. To be a prisoner or product of our past depends on us individually. How we respond is going to determine how we see ourselves, who we are and eventually how people will see you. Our circumstances will change us. I REPEAT :" IT WILL CHANGE US!!" Question is for better or for worse.
Sunday, September 17, 2006
-2:18 AM
PEOPLE CHANGE?
Ever had any friends known since secondary, or even primary school days? I've had my fair share of friends since childhood, observing most, if not all, have changed. With so many transitions going on, from sec sch, to tertiary, NS... working... family life... Meeting different kinds of people, thrown into a different kind of enviroment, would i change in such a way that the people around me gets affected in a negative way?
The key would lie in this question: "What is my life centered around?" It determines our lifestyle, personality and manner of speech. If our lives is centred on our enviroment we would always change.
Why do people in NS become more callous and insensitive? Could it be due to the lack of understanding they receive in their camp and the usage of valguarities cause them to be affected in their manner of speech?
Why do some claim their JC mates are not as friendly and helpful? Could it be due to the competitive and time pressing envoriment they are placed into? As being friendly and helpful does not get one ahead?
It takes one who is really secure in who he is, have a very strong stand about the values he believes, to remain unchange in a changing enviroment. Such a person doesn't win popularity and worse, may not be accepted all around, but he would sure win the RESPECT of others.
People look up to a secure person, one who holds his belief and is comfortable with himself, not always changing constantly to fit into the crowd.
I must centre my life around my faith. This is to guard my converstaion, lifestlye, heart, personality and values. When God becomes the world to me, when he centres around everything i do, my life... i know there is an anchor in an ever changing environment.
The people that matters to me. Changing in a negative way would affect people whom i love and treasure in a negative way as well.
Changes are good!! WE MUST CHANGE! But its the kinda change that i would call "improvement" Each of us carry a side of us that is a weakness, a blindspot. And such changes are necessary to be a better person to people around us, especially those who matters to us.
How bout changes in our lifestyle and personality, for the ones we love?
Some wives complain about their husband not talking enough, and husbands may normally reply:
"Well that's me what, i'm quiet by nature, don't talk very much. She better accept me for who i am since that she married me"
Perhaps its true. But can that aspect of him be changed to suit into his wives needs so that he can be a better lover to her.
Or one may ask "why should i change for someone who does not love me for who i am?"
I quoted this from the blog of a close friend of mine, i really thought it was somewhat admirable:
"If that person is not worthy enough for you to effect certain changes in your life, it only goes to demonstrate that the relationship is not of that great value to you, and you do not craved enough for his/her love sufficiently to sacrifice your own interest. Such a love, is not the ultimate love and certainly not the kind of love that will give you the maximum satisfaction. In short, if your lover is not worthy for you to make a change, he or she is not worth your love."
A woman may find soccer rather silly, 20 man fighting for one ball. If love meant to the extend of laying down one's life for each other.... how could the woman claim to be willing to die for him when she is unwilling to accompany him to a soccer game. This is vice versa from a guy to a girl as well.
Monday, September 11, 2006
-8:02 AM
MATCH POINT
A movie worth watching, it brought reality to film, and probably made many think again about their marriage life. This is one movie that has left one of the greatest impact in me.
Its a simple story of a guy who was looking for all, fame, money and girls. He found a girl who's father owns a company, and the father was willing to take him in as one of the "big shots". He got what he wanted.
However along the marriage with the girl, he was seduced by another girl. When he got the mistress pregnant, she kept ringing him and forcing him to divorce his wife.
He couldn't take it any longer, killed an old woman, her neighbour beside, stole the jewellry, and later killed the mistress to make it seemed like an armed robbery house break in.
He threw all the jewellry into the river to destroy the evidence. One of the ring happen to hit the railing and bounced off on the ground. Later another crime took place in that area, and the robber was found to have that ring with the initals of the old woman's name. WHAT LUCK!! WHAT PURE LUCK!! He escaped it!!!
There's more to the story then this, its a movie i fully recommand to watch. However if we were to put some of the marriages we've seen or perhaps personally encountered into a video clip, wouldn't it be somewhat similar?
Honestly, i discovered that most people didn't ever get into a marriage wanting to commit adultery. On that day of marriage, they really meant with all their hearts, when they mention those 2 precious words "I do". It is along the way, perhaps out of weakness that they gave in.
I often heard people, especially those who have gone through families where their parents found another outside partner, say "When i get married i will stay true to my wife all the way! I would not betray her, but love her till death do us part"
Perhaps with all sincerity of heart, they meant it, and i could see it in their eyes. But till the test really comes, when in marriage we start to discover that he is not the kind of person, or perhaps he/she has changed for the worse, had a quarrel for nights that goes unresolved, meet another girl/guy at the workplace, got along well, found out that he/she has fond feelings for you, at such situation who can still say the same?
I learnt that i must not be ignorant of my weakness in me.
The Question is what is love base on?
If love is base on feelings, it comes and goes, and people drop feelings for the opposite gender when put together for sometime.
If love is base on character ALONE, it would change because people change. And There is always someone with better character out there.
If love is base on physical appearace, for we both know fades. And there is always someone prettier out there.
Love is base on a CHOICE. We love because we choose to love. Once we choose to love dispite how we feel, the feeling will start fanning into flame for one another once again.
Whenever i'm walking alone, at the beach, or alone on the train, i don't see any fancy in seeing young couples together, romantic and loving. But when i catch a couple in their 50's, 60's 70's or 80's. I often stopped to watch. Because i know this couple has went through alot and where they are today is commandable. To stay together is one thing, to stay together in love dispite all the differences sure made them stronger then before.
Wednesday, September 06, 2006
-7:03 AM
In church office, all alone, wooo... can only hear the dog (apple) barking from downstairs and the sound of the aircon blowing at my face. Just waiting for a friend to drive me back.
Finally i'm able to use the internet. There are things in life that are like life machine to our soul, our emotional well being. Sometimes it's such that we don't realize it until it is taken away. Hmm... i only realize how addicted i am to the msn when my internet could no longer work. Manz, it felt like i was going to die. I was stunned by the extreme i took just to get my internet fixed. Went to get a laptop from JL, get friends to fix my com, they cldn't, even my uncle, finally a man from singtel.
Then guess what.............. my internet repaired, there goes my modem.......... AHHHHHHH!!! gotta wait till tmr again. I think God wants to spent time with me. MSN have been taking up my nights after work, disturbing ppl till i sleep...... till i forgot how much my beloved missed me... sigh. Angry with God? Nah, i know he misses me... it will get repaired soon and i'm gonna be back again.
I'm missing the company in SP services.... sigh.
